Government Office of Wasteful Signage. How may I help you?
Captain Citizen calling, my poor, poor bureaucratic schmuck. i have a complaint of wasteful signs.
Yes, Captain. What is your complaint?
you know those four-by-six inch signs that are next to fire doors, telling American citizens to KEEP DOOR CLOSED AT ALL TIMES?
Yes, those were the brilliant plan required by the Act of Fire Door Closure Permanency Act of Congress in 1978 to reduce the number of apartment buildings catching fire.
well, today i held vigil at one of those doors.
And what did you find, sir?
i discovered that even after four hours, someone of my superhuman citizenship is not able to go through a door without actually opening it.
I'll bring that up with the President first thing in the morning, sir. Thank you for your valuable suggestion.
oh, i have one more.
What's that?
can you replace all those signs with signs that say THIS IS NOT REALLY A DOOR. IT IS A WALL WITH A DOORKNOB. NEVER OPEN IT OR SOME TERRIBLE FIRE WILL SPREAD THROUGH THE BUILDING AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT! FIND ANOTHER WAY OUT.
Good suggestion, Captain Citizen.
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